“Shrinkage”

Ok, so you put a few more pounds on during Covid. Let’s go with that.

To be fair,

I’m big boned

Have a slow metabolism

Struggle with my genetics

I’m stressed

and do take medication

It used to be so easy for me to lose weight. No diets necessary for me.

I’d just cut back on bread, cut out a few snacks, maybe do an extra pushup or two (maybe), and voila. I’d lose 3 or 4 pounds in a week. I was great at dieting, the King of dieting!

“Come to me with you’re flabby bodies my children and I’ll set you right”. 

After all, I had the elixir, the magic formula.

The formula no body dared say out loud, but I did, I shouted it from the rooftops! Told my wife any chance I could!

“DIET AND EXCERCISE”

After all, a body in motion tends to stay in motion and a body at rest tends to get fat!

Then came a very monumental day in my life.

I had always been within range with regard to my body weight, and BMI.  On the high side of NORMAL.

Then came the day I noticed my son was growing taller, I wondered, is he taller than me now?

We measured up. We were about the same.

But that’s not where the story ends…….

I HAD SHRUNK A FULL INCH!!!

So what? What’s that got to do with my weight right?

I soon found out, it was EVERYTHING!

I punched in this new info about my body stats and that 1-inch all of a sudden meant I, the guy who works out every day, was now OVER WEIGHT!!

That’s right, I said it.

I was 59 when it happened to me.

OK, not to worry, remember, I’m the King of losing weight, right?

Not any more, I had been dethroned by father time. Trying to lose weight became impossible. Nothing I did in the past worked for me. In fact, I was getting worse.

Now, all of a sudden a typical week of dieting for me was:

Day 1, 2 and 3, starve myself with a low calorie diet, lose a pound or two right off the bat….(yeah!)

4th day, more of the same….gain a pound! (WTF!)

5th day….I break, I eat more than I should, lose half a pound(huh?)

6th day, try to regroup, dust myself off and eat great, gain another pound.( F&*%!)

7th day, break the scale.

And what’s worse is that my wife, well in the normal range, seems to like dieting for fun!

She’ll say that ever since she hit menopause she can’t lose weight, she’s fanatical about it.

She tries to diet by eating 600 calories a day sometimes and seems to check her weight every hour to see if any results have come in.

I told her she’s nuts.

She has this mathematical formula in which she checks her weight at night and does this calculation of what she should be the next morning.

If the results are wrong, well, we won’t be having coffee together let’s put it that way.

She say’s she won’t be content until she’s 2/3 of my body weight??

Huge eh?

Anyway, back to my problem, I figured there had to be something wrong, after all I did work out 5 days a week. And my wife was saying I looked great, but could I trust her?Maybe she’s trying to sabotage me and get me to eat more? These are the thoughts that started inhabiting my brain.

So I took matters in my own hands, I’ve heard that muscle weighs more than fat. That could be the key!

I must have way more muscle than fat, that’s why the BMI readings and all the other calculations are wrong.

So, how do you measure fat??? A caliper!, yes, this was the answer!

These calipers measure your body fat by measuring the folds of fat of your skin.

I’m an athlete after all!

I ordered the calipers and started working out even more. I couldn’t wait to get them, I knew that the calipers would put my mind at rest.

When they finally arrived, I took the readings about 50 times, I then got my wife to take the readings.

The calculations left no doubt about what was going on, I was over weight!

All because of the freakin’ 1 inch!

It’s the day before Christmas Eve, 2021 is around the corner.

Guess what my New Years resolution is?

If you dare, here’s some helpful links:

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